This past weekend I was exploring San Diego (again) with my husband and friends; I was HAPPY. The weather was perfect, the restaurants' food and table locations for us were perfect, we found the perfect shopping items that we didn't even know we were looking for, the perfect parking spots opened up as we approached.
Today is a day back at home. Turns out it's not only perfect in San Diego, it's also perfect here. The weather is perfect, the wind chime rings the perfect tone. My home-made arugula and turkey salad was the perfect lunch. The instructional videos I found for a project are perfect. My son's path into adulthood is unfolding in a perfect (and interesting) fashion. It is perfect that I ran out of half and half, which is often an element of the perfect cup of coffee for me, because it prompts me to walk to the store today, the perfect instigator to drive me out for some exercise on this perfect-outdoor day.
But is it REALLY "Perfect?" ???
Well, does it really MATTER if it's perfect by any other standard by my own? My mother, for example, would flatly state it is NOT - it is too hot - her "perfect" weather is under 70 degrees.
Q. What in the hell does this have to do with "Defensive Dressing"?!
A. I could effortlessly argue it's NOT a perfect day because my upper thighs are not as toned I would prefer, and the lines around my mouth that I see in the mirror are deeper than what I deem prettiest. Oh, and my fingernails are DEFINITELY much weaker than they would be on a perfect day!
So am I delusional? Am I one of those annoyingly cheerful people? I suppose I spend perfect evenings scrapbooking all my happy memories too? (Not that it matters, but Uh, no).
For the past year and a half, I have worked with my emotions and thoughts as a PRACTICE - meaning practice-but-not-perfected - of training myself in the direction of looking for the perfection (a.k.a. gratitude, good attitude). I have read, heard, felt, experienced, "drank the Koolaid" about the benefits. We've heard it all our lives, the earliest exposures probably being a calligraphied "inspirational" plaque decorated with tulips or butterflies or a sunset hanging above the towel bar in someone's guest bathroom, or a maybe a poster with cute puppies on it hanging on the preschool wall.
"Attitude is Everything."
"Have An Attitude of Gratitude."
"Whether you believe you can or you can't, you are right."
"10% of life is what happens, 90% of life is our attitude towards it."
"What you focus on expands."
"YOU decide if the glass half empty or half full."
"Choose to be Happy."
"You are what you think about."
"Life is what you make of it."
"DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY!"
(On and on and on.........)
I wasn't always like this. As a kid I wouldn't have been considered "Emo" as I didn't dress in lots of black & use heavy eyeliner, but I was pretty sarcastic and leaned to a negative first response. "Oh, GREAT. (SIGH)" "Just my luck. (SIGH)" "Oh COURSE that would happen just I get here... (SIGH)" "Cheerful people bug me."
Now I have "a determination for JOY" within me. I make every effort to lean in the direction of feeling just a little better. Because it makes life ACTUALLY BETTER. There's value in creating and drinking your own KoolAid, and it's not airy-fairy value, it's REAL. The next hour of your life is YOUR LIFE. Next weekend is a weekend of YOUR LIFE. Do you define yourself by an Eeyore attitude without knowing it? (you know, from Winnie the Pooh, the donkey a.k.a. ass, hmmm). Would it be terribly painful to actually have nothing significant to bitch about from the next hour or next weekend? No "horror" story to tell the people you work with, or your sister, or whomever you share life's miseries with? Might it be worth it to have no crap to share, but to tell the good parts with a smile? Might you lose some co-commiserates in the process because you got all cheerful? YES. AND THAT COULD REALLY HELP to not have to listen to their misery which validates your misery which builds like a backed-up toilet...
So here's what I'm focused on: "I can thrive under any and all conditions. I can be joyful under any and all conditions. I can find interesting things to think about or participate in under any and all conditions. I am not held captive by my environment, by my culture, by my government, by my relationships, by ANYTHING. I am the creator of my reality, because I have CONTROL of my THOUGHTS." Wanna join me? It's actually okay if you don't. But I still gave you something to ponder for maybe a future time ;-)
Today is a day back at home. Turns out it's not only perfect in San Diego, it's also perfect here. The weather is perfect, the wind chime rings the perfect tone. My home-made arugula and turkey salad was the perfect lunch. The instructional videos I found for a project are perfect. My son's path into adulthood is unfolding in a perfect (and interesting) fashion. It is perfect that I ran out of half and half, which is often an element of the perfect cup of coffee for me, because it prompts me to walk to the store today, the perfect instigator to drive me out for some exercise on this perfect-outdoor day.
But is it REALLY "Perfect?" ???
Well, does it really MATTER if it's perfect by any other standard by my own? My mother, for example, would flatly state it is NOT - it is too hot - her "perfect" weather is under 70 degrees.
Q. What in the hell does this have to do with "Defensive Dressing"?!
A. I could effortlessly argue it's NOT a perfect day because my upper thighs are not as toned I would prefer, and the lines around my mouth that I see in the mirror are deeper than what I deem prettiest. Oh, and my fingernails are DEFINITELY much weaker than they would be on a perfect day!
So am I delusional? Am I one of those annoyingly cheerful people? I suppose I spend perfect evenings scrapbooking all my happy memories too? (Not that it matters, but Uh, no).
For the past year and a half, I have worked with my emotions and thoughts as a PRACTICE - meaning practice-but-not-perfected - of training myself in the direction of looking for the perfection (a.k.a. gratitude, good attitude). I have read, heard, felt, experienced, "drank the Koolaid" about the benefits. We've heard it all our lives, the earliest exposures probably being a calligraphied "inspirational" plaque decorated with tulips or butterflies or a sunset hanging above the towel bar in someone's guest bathroom, or a maybe a poster with cute puppies on it hanging on the preschool wall.
"Attitude is Everything."
"Have An Attitude of Gratitude."
"Whether you believe you can or you can't, you are right."
"10% of life is what happens, 90% of life is our attitude towards it."
"What you focus on expands."
"YOU decide if the glass half empty or half full."
"Choose to be Happy."
"You are what you think about."
"Life is what you make of it."
"DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY!"
(On and on and on.........)
I wasn't always like this. As a kid I wouldn't have been considered "Emo" as I didn't dress in lots of black & use heavy eyeliner, but I was pretty sarcastic and leaned to a negative first response. "Oh, GREAT. (SIGH)" "Just my luck. (SIGH)" "Oh COURSE that would happen just I get here... (SIGH)" "Cheerful people bug me."
Now I have "a determination for JOY" within me. I make every effort to lean in the direction of feeling just a little better. Because it makes life ACTUALLY BETTER. There's value in creating and drinking your own KoolAid, and it's not airy-fairy value, it's REAL. The next hour of your life is YOUR LIFE. Next weekend is a weekend of YOUR LIFE. Do you define yourself by an Eeyore attitude without knowing it? (you know, from Winnie the Pooh, the donkey a.k.a. ass, hmmm). Would it be terribly painful to actually have nothing significant to bitch about from the next hour or next weekend? No "horror" story to tell the people you work with, or your sister, or whomever you share life's miseries with? Might it be worth it to have no crap to share, but to tell the good parts with a smile? Might you lose some co-commiserates in the process because you got all cheerful? YES. AND THAT COULD REALLY HELP to not have to listen to their misery which validates your misery which builds like a backed-up toilet...
So here's what I'm focused on: "I can thrive under any and all conditions. I can be joyful under any and all conditions. I can find interesting things to think about or participate in under any and all conditions. I am not held captive by my environment, by my culture, by my government, by my relationships, by ANYTHING. I am the creator of my reality, because I have CONTROL of my THOUGHTS." Wanna join me? It's actually okay if you don't. But I still gave you something to ponder for maybe a future time ;-)
