Wednesday, August 31, 2016

This Teen of the 80s is SUFFERING.

This HURTS me.  

This is a Polyvore outfit being currently suggested on a fashion blog as great for a woman to wear this year. 

Do you know what part hurts? 
(I can hear many women replying, "The high heels!!" Well, yes, but no).

BLACK SHOES BROWN PURSE.  My cellular fashion programming is shouting "You're doing it wrong!

I know, matching is out of date. I heard; I got the memo. Listen, I'm not trying to turn the tide back to how it was, I just have to share how DIFFICULT it is for me to wrap my head around this being a "thing" now. 

Follow my logic: In women's fashion history here in western world, those of us that were teens and pre-teens in the 80s were the LAST DECADE to have it drilled into us that accessories must MATCH

(belt, etc. succumbs accordingly)

The law must be so for professional outfits,
dressy outfits,

and casual outfits.

Additionally, it must be so for work-out outfits - 
leg warmers must match leotard and headband.

Actually, leg warmers must match any hair accessory.

As a matter of fact, this photo just sums up fashion law nicely - 

To build my case for empathy, realize that not only was this fashion law drilled into us by both fashion marketing and peer pressure, it was passed to us from the generation of women before us (proof, from the 60s):

And guess what?! It's practically genetically infused in us 80s teens! Our grandmothers had the SAME LAW, and you know it extends back further pre-colored photography into history! 
Look at this, original from WWII in the 40s (snappy croc on croc):

My theory is that this recent deconstruction of Fashion Law tipped with grunge. Grunge mostly followed Fashion Law of matching of accessories (mostly because everything was black or faded black - grungy). Grunge cracked open the door of fashion pandemonium by encouraging random chunky footwear with otherwise "cute" skirts and dresses:

I believe this grunge photo layout from a magazine might be fashion archaeology's "missing link" - the moment of slippage from Fashion Law. Look - the purse and shoes don't match! However, it is merely the seeds of the end of Fashion Law, not the full breaking point, as the purse and bag DO both still match the outfit itself, burgundy and black:

Since then all fashion law hell has broken loose in the fashion gene pool (giant Uggs, zebra, pink, skull, showing pockets, OMG it's all swirling and burning in my eyes):

So to those of you gals that didn't become a pre-teen until post-grunge, be patient with us PGs (pre-grunges). Now you know - your fashion elders are fighting against multiple generations of genetic programming. 

This, this outfit here, just HURTS ME CELLULARLY --

Okay, quick P.S. to my pain. The shorts above reminded me. Currently there's the ripped jean "thing." Why is it a "thing?" I'm not even complaining that it's a thing now. I just DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. I really mean it as a question - WHY??!. 

I was trained that ripped jeans are only for painting or yard work. If I had come home with my jeans looking like this, I'd have been in trouble for "ruining a good pair of pants!"